I’m laying next to my sleeping babe, loving the sound of her rhythmic breathing. My heart is reminiscing how i would hold my breath every time I went to the doctor while pregnant with her: Would her tiny heart still be beating?
She’s been with us now for a little over ten months though it feels like she’s always been here. Her growth and development astound me. I wake in the morning excited to note changes- thicker, longer hair. Faster crawling. Pulling herself up on things…
She loves her tongue and just today has started to move it side ways. It’s so cute! Mimicking is her favorite activity- she blows kisses. Covers her eyes for peek-a-boo. Waves, claps, dances to anything with a rhythms …you name it. I think she’s going to break into full sentences any minute now. For the time being it sounds like she’s trying to say “baby”, “pretty” “mama” and “daddy.”
I’m amazed by what I’m learning about myself because of her. Deep desires tucked into the crevices of my heart are being carefully unpacked and realized. Things like holiday traditions with MY family, staying up late to sew a dress for my daughter to wear to church, celebrating every milestone and seeing her little face light up. It’s magical.
And at the same time, I’m realizing that before this little queen was born, I wasn’t as open to vulnerability as I thought I was. Loving a fully reliant, perfect soul so completely is sanctifying- transforming me. Just this morning I was visiting with three other women. All four of us have lost children in various stages of life. While my two losses were miscarriages, I found myself relating to their pain in ways I never could have imagined before. Suffering qualifies us. It creates a place for empathy and compassion that cannot be acquired in any other way.
And in the meantime, I’m working to change a few things to be more fit for the constant companionship of my little treasure. Oh what a season of gratitude! Every moment feels magnified with this new life that’s come to us this year. With wonder and awe, I give thanks.